Inspiration from Yoga - Day 14 - Hard CORE Yoga!

Tonight I gratefully undertook a reprieve from all the Up & Down Dogs (no Bad Dogs here!!!) and instead did a very core-intensive workout.

A great workout - the best part involving a minute of crossing elbow to knee bicycles (Well, I'm here to tell you that even if you think you HAVE a strong core, do that for a minute and I feel fairly certain you will feel the fire!) Also, a fun sequence that was quite Pilates-like in the alternating of leg raises with breath and bending knees, and the pointed and flexed foot positions. (I got a little confused when we reversed the sequence, but I think I managed okay!)

And so grateful to not be holding a low pushup position tonight that I can't even tell you! :) Really enjoyed the workout, though I think it was pretty intense if one was a beginning yogi just starting their practice. So I would rate the workout intermediate level - though he did offer variations of each exercise for beginner, intermediate and advanced levels, which was a nice option, and cautioned that you could rest at any point if it became too intense. I didn't have to pause, but at some points I had to watch my screen (difficult from a position on my back) to see what the exercise involved.

But at the end, the instructor said to take a moment thank your body. Thank your core for supporting you and holding you up, literally. Thank your abdomen for having the "guts" to do the workout (I admit I chortled a bit in Savasana!)

But, this rang another mental bell. So much time I spend berating my body, punishing it for all the things that don't go the way I wanted, punishing myself for mistakes. I wouldn't want to work for so cruel a taskmaster, yet this is what I demand of my body.

So taking a moment to truly thank my body for everything that it does for me. So often we take our mobility, our functionality, our simplest of tasks for granted - until that is taken away. When we injure ourselves, with heightened awareness we realize how crucial even the smallest pinky toe is, or take for granted how easily we brush our teeth with our dominant hand, or the ability to swivel our necks. 

So be grateful today. Maybe you have pain. Maybe you're working around injuries, arthritis, struggling to battle a physical or mental challenge, but there is ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS something to be grateful for.

With all my gratitude,
Sirens Echo

Inspiration from Yoga - Day 13 - Cardio Yoga

Today's little slice of heaven was sweetly nicknamed "Cardio Yoga".

WHEW! More like sweaty-hands, heart-pumping, rapid-breathing, DEAR-GODDESS-HOW-LONG-ARE-WE-HOLDING-THIS-PLANK-POSE-YOGA!

In other words... just the way I like it! I love feeling accomplished, that deep-in-your muscles tired feeling knowing that you've worked hard. Sure, some of those poses elicited a grunt or two. Yes, my hips were feeling tight and my Double Pigeon Pose was somewhat less of a yoga pose and more a discombobulated pretzel, but when you peel a tank top off at the end of your  workout that comes off like a second skin because it's been so saturated with your sweat, I call that a good workout!

The sequence began deceptively smoothly - a few moments resting in Child's Pose (during which I realized how tight my hammies were from the 5k race I did on Saturday as I'm typically 2nd day sore, and also the disadvantage of eating hot pizza, which while convenient, had a profound effect on my capacity to breath. Particularly since I've been avoiding dairy for precisely this reason and also as I've been struggling with the sinus congestion since contracting the seasonal plague earlier this week.) Moving gradually out of Snuffalupagus Pose (aka Child's Pose), we proceeded through a few Sun Salutations into Nostril-Draining Pose (aka Down Dog). All the contents of my sinus cavity which had previously fallen forward in Child's Pose, taking convenient advantage of my forehead-to-mat position, now saw the light at the ends of the tunnels and raced toward them like deep sea divers to the surface (without the obligatory rest periods on the way to avoid "the bends").

Remember that prior post where I confessed that sometimes I like to do yoga alone? This snuffly snurfly, snotty practice was JUST such a time. Also, any physical activity post Mexican food....

The sequence gained speed an intensity, utilizing the typical rotation of poses from standing to forward bend, back to pushup, up to Up Dog, back to Down Dog, but adding variations of planks, holding planks, lifting legs in planks, her favorite knee-tucking planks, and so forth.

By the time we got to our hip openers I was GREATLY relieved to be firmly planted on my mat, and finally letting my sinuses drain back from the depths they came.

But even if it wasn't my very favorite practice, or I struggled through some conglomerations of poses, and my Pigeon Pose looked more ready to take flight than to sink into peaceful meditation, I never feel as though my time on the mat were wasted.

However, after all those held Chaturanga (low pushup position) we'll see how my arms feel tomorrow!

But for now, NAMASTE!

From Yoga Journal:

Stop Headaches Before They Happen

Often we express stress in our necks and jaws. Without even noticing, we tense in these areas, blocking our breath, decreasing our circulation, and sometimes provoking a headache.

Luckily, we can avoid these symptoms by taking a break to relax the neck. Here's how:

While seated, interlace your fingers and place your hands on the back of your head. Allow your head and arms to relax forward and your chin to travel toward your chest. The weight of your head and arms, combined with gravity, will begin to release your neck and reduce or eliminate your headache.

Remember that an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.

Inspiration from Yoga - Day 12 - Desk Yoga

So much of our daily lives we spend hunched over our keyboards, peering at our monitors, slouched down in chairs that are not anatomically designed for our bodies. Our newly-acquired (in the scale of evolution) sedentary lifestyle is so far removed from our former active lives. Recall in past history the occupation of most of mankind was simply to eke out a living, scraping it from the nooks and crannies of a particularly hostile and formidable environs.

Hunter/gatherers, nomadic foragers, hunters seeking even the smallest game in thick and forbidding snows, the potato famine, the manual labors of civilizations to pull themselves from the dregs of disease and catastrophe to the utopia of a shining golden era. (Will someone let me know when we get there please? I'd like to stop and stay a while!)

Then, we had the industrial revolution, the creation of machines to simplify and promote mass-production, all this technology to simplify our lives, to enhance our medical care, to prolonge our lives, to let us live lives of leisure. We know engage in a battleground of the mind - we exchange our time for time spent running a computer. Very few goods these days are made by hand, and our valuation of items has ceased to create wonderment. We are a throw-it-away kind of culture. Your DVD player breaks? You throw it away and buy a new one. But your granddad built an armoire by hand over countless hours in a woodshop, sawing, carving, sanding and staining a unique and wonderful piece of family heirloom history? Irreplaceable.

The advancement of the human race in some ways has come, staggeringly propelling us into the future; and in others, has come to a screeching halt. How many of the Average Joe & Jane office workers get ANY amount of exercise into their computer-and-electronically jammed days? Instead of a society of hands-on, we are intellectually brains-in. This means bodies are out. Out of shape, out of strength and out of whack.

Of course we've all been hammered with the information that America is experiencing an obesity epidemic. We have more than we can consume, and consume we do. We eat more than we need, we super-size our portions and eat foods that fill us with calories, but not with nutritional content. We have come to a point in our civilization that our health suffers precisely because of our (relative) wealth.

The advantages of dental care, modern medical treatment, increased nutritional availabity and so forth have expanded our life spans to more than double that of ancient man. But what are we doing with our leisure? Plugged into the same screens we spend our days in front of, scanning Pinterest, engaging in the online gossip of Facebook, looking at cartoons about cats. Yes, I'm as guilty as the next. When's the last time you watched the sunset, or rise (if you're one of those incomprehensible morning people) and truly just took a moment to leave your endless worries and just be present. When's the last time you truly stopped to appreciate the leaves on the trees as they change color and fall to the earth? When is the moment you stood by the water and listened to its song?

Even in our office-bound lives, we still can find a release of our tensions - to take a few minutes to stretch, re-invigorate our bodies and minds, to find stillness for a moment amid the hustle and e-bustle of our modern lives.



For an awesome article on Office Yoga, please check out:
http://www.yogajournal.com/basics/751

Inspiration from Yoga - Day 11 - Upper Body Challenge

As a woman, I often find that we lack the upper body strength of our male counterparts. While it's not a certainty that every male on Earth can automatically do one-handed pullups or some such,but many women (myself being included in this) figured that we'll just never be as strong, so why even TRY to do such a thing as pullups?

Well, I just did my FIRST unassisted pullups at the gym this past week with my trainer. I've always been the stubborn kind, not wanting to drop to my knees in pushups, not giving up in farrier class when the instructor came around to ask if I was tired and wanted to stop. Of COURSE I was tired, but that didn't mean I was going to quit just because I was a girl! So I have been known to push myself in the past. However,I have a shoulder injury (in addition to the issues plaguing me from the car accident in 2009) that kept me from doing any pushups at all for a year and a half. The shoulder had partially dislodged from its' socket, the collarbone had popped out of place, and a tear in the front of my pectoral muscle all connived to cause me a lot of pain. So I stopped using it because it hurt so much. And consequently, I developed a "frozen shoulder" and my range of motion was so severely limited that I started to struggle just accomplishing simple tasks. Putting on a jacket was a chore, involving wriggling the jacket up my "dead arm" and then squirming around until I could get the other arm into it. Driving my 3/4 ton pickup truck around a corner required turning it with my right, my left arm in my lap and hand holding the wheel so I could quickly maneuver my right around the wheel again to complete a turn. Putting a bra on required buckling it in front and swiveling it around, trying to get all associated anatomy into correct placement. I actually took a photo of the "PUSHUPS" board at TKD as a goal for myself to reach (not being punished for... say, talking in class - which would be my most likely offense) since my body was incapable of doing such.

Working with my chiropractor, breaking the "strictures" of scar tissue that had interlaced over the scapula to put it back into place, continuing with martial arts and modifying the maneuvers that my left side can't acomplish (I physically lack the capability to lift my left arm to 90 degrees behind me - a move we dubbed "making your muscles" to chamber for a front block... so I had to modify by bringing my fist to my ear as an alternate chamber and changing so I was doing the same on both sides, although my right arm has full range of motion and is perfectly capable of said chamber. Takewondo's modifications for the new Sport Poomsae has now changed all of that, and with it bringing a whole alternate set of challenges for me to face, like the uber-narrow front stance in which my accident-induced lack of balance becomes notably apparent, but that's a story for another day....)

In working with my lovely trainer, and lifting weights (an endeavor which I had never truly embraced formerly), doing her workouts and so forth, I have developed a lot of upper body strength that I never knew I possessed. Workout by workout, week by week and month by month I have seen noticeable changes. But my shoulder still doesn't work quite right. Sometimes my shoulder partially dislocates out of its' socket again. Particularly in crab walk. So I don't do that anymore. I'm also careful of pushing up off a squishy couch, as I did it a 3rd time that way. So I'm mindful of what I can and cannot do. I'm better that I've been since before I hurt that shoulder, but there are limitations.

So an Upper Body workout in Yoga sounded like a definite challenge, though with all the pushups that my trainer just LOOOOVES to have me do, and buoyed up from my recent success in doing unassisted pullups for the FIRST TIME EVER, well, I was ready to try it.

Holy planks! I did regular planks, low and high planks, held pushup position, and worked my arms, shoulders and triceps like crazy! It was definitely a challenge! You know you've worked hard when your arms are burning while lying in relaxation!

Inspiration from Yoga - DAY 10 - BETTER LATE THAN NEVER!

The creeping crud attacked me, and I spent a couple days under the weather, and under the covers!

There is something so restorative about sleep, though even our best scientists haven't quite discovered why it is so important, as this article from Harvard, (which provides theories, but not solid answers), shows:

http://healthysleep.med.harvard.edu/healthy/matters/benefits-of-sleep/why-do-we-sleep

After sleeping for several days, I finally felt restored enough to engage in a 20 minute Core Workout to renew my commitment to my yoga challenge. At first, feeling as though a mere 20 minutes couldn't possibly facilitate the amount of exercise needed for a solid workout (though why I counter-intuitively hung onto this theory while simultaneously struggling to overcome an illness that literally laid me flat out for days is beyond my comprehension - back to that self-competitive drive, I suppose).

Boy, was I mistaken. In 20 minutes I sweated and shook my way through numerous plank poses (both low and high), holding Chaturanga with my elbows close into my sides, pushing into a blissful Down Dog which felt like a resting pose after the hard work, and then into a number of variations of Boat Pose engaging upper and lower abdominals and obliques. Let me tell you, that lovely lovely Savasana Pose at the end felt like lying in the most fussy "Princess & the Pea" bed I've ever had the pleasure of settling my bones onto. It.was.glorious!

While perhaps a bit "zesty" for my return from the tour of Zombieland I took, I felt proud of myself that I'd struggled through and conquered the workout - without having to pause and rest in it - even moving through the challenging low-high plank and into Up Dog all without lowering my knees. Really good stuff!

My body thanks me, and maybe it's just me, but my waistband feels just a touch looser! (I'd like to think it's from yoga and not from subsisting on soup and tea with honey for the majority of the week!)

Namaste and BE WELL!

Inspiration from Yoga - Day 9 - Core & Breathwork

Tonight's work was on core and breathwork. Oh how I love my core work! Particularly after cooking a generous sized portion of breakfast-for-dinner!

One thing that really clarified in my mind in tonight's practice was the link between breathing and movement. This is a subject which has occupied my mind as a martial artist for years. Depending on which school I was attending at the time, their theories on how to breathe while doing movements during forms would vary widely. Whether having audible breath per movement, as I was originally trained (and frankly prefer), or the silent ninja forms with no breathing sounds being preferred has varied. I have practiced both styles, but whether audibly breathing or not, I have always been intently focused on the breath accompanying each movement.

Yoga is very much the same for me. The patterns of inhalation and exhalation following the movements are omnipresent, but rarely so noticeably to me as during core work, when each muscle of your upper and lower abdomen, obliques, low back and even through the legs and chest are working together. Balancing in Boat Pose, every breath can alter your body's balance, each subtle shift works to counteract the balance in this pose. By focusing on, controlling and bringing awareness to my breath, I can enhance and supplement my yoga practice. The three aspects are intertwined - breathing, balance and movement, working together in harmony.

Additionally, I discovered a wonderful plank-sequence exercise tonight which I am excited to introduce the next time I may have the opportunity to lead black belt class warmups (after previously introducing them to the 100/100 crunches & plankers exercise, I'm quite sure they'll love this one!)

The three-part plank sequence works all levels of your core - deep, superficial and obliques, as well as arms/shoulders and back strength. From a high plank position, extend the right leg up and away from the body, flexing through the foot and extending the heel as the furthest point away from you. On the inhale, bring the knee in to the chest, lifting and rounding the back, and if your neck permits, dropping the head, engaging the core and curling the upper body to maximize the lift of the right leg from the floor. Exhale and extend the right leg back out (without letting it touch the ground) heel stretching far and away. On the next inhale, bring knee up to outer right tricep, like a cat burgler, with inner knee facing down to the floor. Exhale and without putting leg down, extend back out through the heel. Finally on the last inhale (hang in there!) bring the right knee across the body, really engaging the core and twisting using those oblique muscles to bring to the opposite left side elbow, leg crossed under the body and the outer knee facing down to the floor. Be mindful not to twist the shoulders, but instead to use the core strength to lift and pull that knee across. Exhale out one last time really extending outwards through the heel and lower to place it on the mat beside the left foot in high plank. Inhale, then exhale and push back into Down Dog for several breaths, then repeat the sequence on the left side.

Pretty awesome, right? And difficult! To have the strength and control to keep the leg elevated throughout the postures is amazing. And also, it makes for a challenging 20 minute workout! I originally didn't feel 20 minutes would be long enough, but sweating and happily lying in Savasana Pose, feeling every muscle in my core having been engaged, I was pleasantly surprised, and secretly grateful the practice wasn't longer. However, feeling I still had a little more in me, I followed it with a a short introduction to and practice of Alternate Nostril Breathing, (as mentioned in a prior post). And once again I find myself happily and contentedly completing my practice for the 21-Day Yoga Challenge!

And a quote I found today: Inhale the future, exhale the past. ♥

Happy sigh!

For further information on Alternate Nostril Breathing, please check out:
http://www.yogajournal.com/poses/2487

Inspiration from Yoga - Day 8 - When the going gets tough...

Tonight was one of those night that it took EFFORT to get onto the mat. It's not that I don't want to do my practice. After all,I know that doing yoga will make me feel better, though there are always so many excuses I can come up with to talk myself out of it. I was already tired, I have a touch of a head cold with the sudden changing of the seasons, and I just wasn't "feeling it." That's why it's so good that my competitive streak kicks in... it's not a 21-Day Yoga Challenge if you skip days here and there...

Chastising myself, off to do my yoga I went, a 35-minute "Front Body Opener" (which is great because my trainer and I worked on pullups at the gym, and I did them unassisted for the first time ever - which has led to my ENTIRE back being sore - so much so that even compressing my lats over a foam roller nearly got a squeak outta me. Ow.)

Tonight was not a night where I started out feeling the love to hop onto that mat, but because I'm dedicating myself to the practice, I stepped onto my mat anyway. It was a struggle reining in my mind at first, rolling through all the "I shoulds" and the to-do lists that haunt me. But soon the rhythms of the opening Sun Salutations brought my awareness to the present. Moving into and out of the poses and focusing on each breath, a true exhalation of all the tension stored in my body, a releasing of all the stress, the tasks needing my attention, the lists staring at me remorsefully. They could all wait.  A half hour practice wouldn't change the world for anything but the better.

Was it a challenge to get me to do my practice tonight? Yes. Was it difficult, nursing my sore muscles, to move through the sequence of poses. Quite.  Were those three little pushups in the middle as a strength training exercise tough. You betcha. Sure, I felt my hip flexors protesting as I slipped down into the lovely Pigeon Pose. Yes, it was less a smooth sequence easing gracefully through the poses as I worked my way through my Warrior poses, Side Angle and Triangles. Did I have to back up a bit and re-focus on my alignment, listening to my body's needs? Absolutely.

But at the end of my practice, did I leap off my mat thinking I'd just thrown away 35 minutes of my life for nothing? No.

Contrarily, I even did the extra 10 minute guided meditation, stood up feeling refreshed and accomplished.

Here's to perseverance, may it serve me tomorrow as well.

In all happiness,
Sirens Echo

Inspiration from Yoga, Day 7 - Namaste

Namaste - We say it in almost every yoga class, but what does this strange word mean? 

Courtesy Wikipedia, here are some answers.
"Namaste is one of a small list of Sanskrit words commonly recognized by Non-Hindi speakers.
Namaskār (Devnagari/Hindi: नमस्कार) literally means "I bow to [your] form".
"I honor the Spirit in you which is also in me." -- attributed to but not claimed by author Deepak Chopra
"I honor the place in you in which the entire Universe dwells, I honor the place in you which is of Love, of Integrity, of Wisdom and of Peace. When you are in that place in you, and I am in that place in me, we are One."
"That which is of God in me greets that which is of God in you."
"The Divinity within me perceives and adores the Divinity within you."

But to me, Namaste is also a gesture of respect, of gratitude and of thankfulness to the Universe, a moment to find that true heart within and expand it out into the world. Namaste is performed with palms pressed together, either in front of the heart chakra, and in deep respect, placed at the forehead and brought down to the heart. The eyes are closed and a bow is done simultaneously. All life is connect & we respect & cherish it! 

"I meditate, I do yoga and I have a lot of friends who are healers.....And if none of that works, I go buy a chocolate bar and a bottle of cognac."
— Susan Strasberg

Namaste!

Inspiration from Yoga, Day 6 - A Breathing Meditation

Pranayama

"Pranayama is control of Breath". 
"Prana" is Breath or vital energy in the body. On subtle levels prana represents the pranic energy responsible for life or life force, and "ayama" means control. So Pranayama is "Control of Breath". One can control the rhythms of pranic energy with pranayama and achieve healthy body and mind. (http://www.yogapoint.com/info/pranayama.htm)


Breathing powers us. It is vital to sustaining our life, and it happens from our first moment on this earth until we depart this plane of existence. It is a visible and audible meter of our lives, our stressors, our level of exertion, and our mental state of mind.

When our minds are settled, when our emotional bodies are at peace, our breathing is long, calm and slow, utilizing the diaphragm in "belly breathing". When we are frantic, racing about, stressing over deadlines, due dates or bills, our breath is short, shallow, comes only from our chests, and our racing minds reflect this state of disharmony.

To re-align ourselves into the center, the core, the essence, the soul, the self, the energy, the source of wisdom, the "qi" - there are so many names for what lies within us - whatever that spirit is that lies inside us, that empowers us, and that connects us to this network of life that we need to stay alive.

Today's work was meditation through breath control. Letting the stress, the worries, the to-do lists, the challenges of the outer world fall away, and to get in touch with that spiritual essence that binds the Universe together. Re-discovering that we are the conductors of this life energy, this love, this expansion of our hearts.

Today's yoga practice was a breath of fresh air, literally. I lit a candle, turned off the overhead light and left only a side lamp on, and settled into my mat, my legs crossed comfortably in front of me, and let the tension slide off my face, slip off my shoulders, drain out of my toes into the floor. To really quiet and slow my breath, calm my heart rate, silence my mind to help me find that quiet, still place of happiness and contentment. For me, even utilizing a "soft gaze" technique is oftentimes too distracting, so I gently close my eyes, let the chronic tension in my jaw relax, and let the breath control take over.

One of the techniques utilized in this breath meditation was one-nostril breathing, using the fingers of your hands to gently push the side of your nose closed. To do this breathing exercise you are pulling in the air through only one side of your nose, holding it, and then exhaling slowly with control through the opposite nostril, then reversing and inhaling through the nostril by which you just released the breath.

The control of the breath, the inherent stillness brought to my mind, and the release of tension all bring me to a state of such peaceful harmony that I'm often loathe to leave my yoga mat at the end of practice. (Ironic, since some days it seems such a battle of wills with myself to get me ONTO it in the first place.) Through a short but focused meditation I was left feeling invigorated and renewed, focused and refreshed.While this was a seated breathing exercise sequence and meditation, the same practice of breath control follows for moving through poses during a practice.

As Yoga Journal stated in an article about breathing through yogic poses:

Whether we are working on our breathing as we practice postures or on its own, we should understand that the inhale breath is very different from the exhale breath. The inhale is more energizing and is appropriate for movements that expand and extend. The exhale is more calming and is appropriate for movements that deepen and ground.

When you extend your exhalation, making it longer and slower, you create a calming effect by activating the "relaxation response"—the physiologic opposite of the stress-induced "fight or flight" reaction.

This activation of the parasympathetic nervous system, the calming mechanism which changes the energy patterns of the practitioner, is part of what draws me to my yoga practice. Above and beyond the strength, flexibility, balance, toning, improvement to posture and structural functionality, the breath control and feeling of elated relaxation keeps me coming back to my yoga mat for more. Following my practice is the reward - the moments of meditation and the sheer exultation of Savasana Pose. That introversion, introspection and calming centered feeling that leaves me ready to rejoin the world with a fresh perspective, so difficult to obtain while slogging through the mud, nose to the grindstone and shoulder to the wheel. Meditation provides that break and awareness that I need to stay focused on the larger goals in my life, the energy to do so, and the strength both mentally and physically to take on the next challenge.

And finally, one of my favorite quotes about yoga: "Meditation - don't just do something, sit there!"

Inspiration from Yoga - Day 5 - Loving Kindness

Tonight's yoga practice was a series of Sun Salutations designed as a moving meditation. For each movement in the Sun Salutation sequence you inhale and send out the phrases to the focus of that individual meditation.

As the instructor explained, it is a Buddhist Metta meditation, "Loving Kindness".

Here's how it works: with each in breath comes a thought and a movement,  each exhale the completion of that movement and the thought being projected out to the Universe.

It starts with yourself:

May I be filled with loving kindness 
 (Inhale with both arms stretching upward to the sky & exhale into forward bend, palms to the floor)
May I be well. 
(Inhale and lift chest, straighten back halfway, looking outward, then exhale back to Chaturanga/pushup position)
May I be peaceful and at ease.  
(Inhale into Upward Dog, then exhale pressing back to Downward Dog, holding Down Dog for several long counts and sending loving kindness outward from your heart with conscious breath)
May I be happy. 
(Inhale and jump or walk feet forward to hands, then exhale into deep forward bend, releasing all tension.)

Om.
(Inhale while coming up to standing position with hands in prayer pose at heart center, exhale "Om" either internally or externally voicing it on the out breath.)

When you breath in you are breathing that thought in, and when you exhale you are sending that thought, that positivity, that loving kindness out to the world, you are creating the ripples of positivity .

For each of the persons targeted in today's practice one cycle of a Sun Salutation:
First, for our own self (as above)
moving to send love to a loved one (Second cycle - I repeat their name... "May Fred be well", etc.)
a friend or family member
a neutral person that you have met, but may not even know their name
a person that you are in confrontation with (oooh... a hard one! Must let it alllllll go.)
all beings and all life

May you be filled with loving kindness (Arms stretching upward to the sky & exhale, bending forward, palms to the floor)
May you be well. (Lift chest, straighten back halfway, looking outward, lengthening spine)
May you be peaceful and at ease.  (back to Chaturanga/Pushup Position and upward dog)
May you be happy. (Step forward & exhale into deep forward bend)
Om. (Coming up to standing with hands in prayer pose at heart center.)
So doing this exercise tonight you breathe in and out moving through the sun salutations and focusing your intentions for first yourself, then each person and then finally to all life.

To find the yoga challenge that I am doing, and this wonderful moving meditation: www.blissology.com/


And finally, a closing quote from Blissology Project (Facebook) September 27

"without meditation, where is peace,
without peace, where is happiness?"
the bhagavad-gita

MAY YOU BE WELL!

Inspiration from Yoga - Day 4 - Finding Balance

Balance. Such an inherently simple, yet complicated concept.

Balance in life. Balance in relationships. Balance in physical structure. Balance between action and inaction. Balance in work/life. Balance in yoga poses.

Tonight I had some of the best, most balanced, most "stretchy" Half Moon Poses I have experienced in a while. The concentration required of this pose, with only one foot and the fingertips (or for the particularly flexible, the hand) in contact with the ground, requires immense focus.

In the words Jackie Chan in the New Karate Kid - "Your focus needs more focus!" In yoga, there is a specific term used for finding that central focal point and keeping your eyes on it to help maintain your balance.

From Yoga Journal (http://www.yogajournal.com/lifestyle/159?page=3)
Drishti ("view/sight"): yogic gazing, such as at the tip of the nose or the spot between the eyebrows; cf. darshana  (And also, for a very thorough article describing various techniques and focal points: http://www.yogajournal.com/wisdom/642)

I will use an external focal point in poses such as Half Moon, Tree Pose or Warrior Three (also called Brave Warrior - probably because you have to be fairly brave to balance on one foot! HA!) I love ceilings with imperfections for this reason - a scuff mark, a pock in the drywall, a particular bit of popcorn ceiling to focus my gaze. When I do yoga outside it's a point on the horizon, a knot in the fenceline bordering the park, or the infinite distance stretching past my fingertips.

And now, my big reveal. I'm pretty much an extrovert (that's not the secret). I rarely take myself to lunch, or to a movie, or on a hike alone. (I WOULD walk my dog alone, however). I like the social interaction of doing things together with people - I like being in a group doing Taekwondo, I love having a riding buddy at the barn, or a training partner on a run. But here's the actual secret part.

I genuinely like practicing yoga by myself. It's one of the FEW things that I will actually do happily alone. OF COURSE it's helpful to make a plan to meet up with someone to do a practice, or in my former group that would meet to do our YOGA-RIFIC practices together for Saturday Morning Yoga, but on my own, I will happily step onto my mat solo and do a DVD routine all by me onsey-savvy.

As I say all the time, yoga is non-competitive (well... save with myself, as discussed in my prior post. YES, it IS a contest for me to correctly align my forehead with my knee!) and yoga is an individual practice. Each day will bring a different set of challenges to overcome for your own body and, particularly for me, in my own mind. When there are others around me, I am less centered in my own yoga practice. I either feel the need to provide gentle guidance in the poses, compliment a particularly well done pose, or (my Achilles Heel) find myself comparing to others and wishing that I had their particular hip flexibility, or their gracefulness, or their strength. Somehow, when there are others around, even with the satisfaction I get from doing yoga in a group with others, somehow I am less present in myself and my focus shifts outward to them. A grunt in a challenging balance posture draws my eye, a subtle adjustment on their mat in Savasana Pose snaps my awareness to their motion, or, most distracting of all, initiating a beginner who is taking it up for the first time and me agonizing over which DVD routine to choose to do with them so that they will be hooked like me - while not overwhelmed, but challenged enough to keep their interest and get that amazing rush I get following my practice.  My intentions are good. (Excepting self-criticism.) My focus... Not so good.

When it's just me, suddenly my focus is internalized and the rest of the world slips away from me save for the contact of my soles on the mat, the loosening of my hip flexors gradually letting go their tension, the strength I find in my Chaturanga (Pushup position) and the ease with which my forward bends release the constriction in my low back. (And it's sometimes VERY nice to be alone with the lovely side-effects of producing deep abdominal wringing in the twists..... *tee hee!*) When I do a practice by myself, free from all others eyes, thoughts, concerns or comparisons, I truly find ME.

While I LOVE to practice with others, and especially feel enthused when someone "catches" yoga fever like I have, I feel an enormous and profound sense of excitement and gratitude. Yoga makes me feel so amazing! Fatigued, but relaxed; calmed yet invigorated; physically strengthened and mentally centered. I feel SO good I want EVERYONE to love yoga like I do. Sometimes knowing that someone is counting on me to practice with them is exactly the motivation I need for the days when it seems easier to sit on the couch eating Cheetos.

But the value that I find in the practice time that I spend alone, just me with my body, my thoughts - has done more to challenge me to be present JUST with myself (admittedly a practice at which I am not always the kindest, most encouraging version of myself to myself) has forced me to grow, to quiet my hamster-on-the-wheel overactive mind, and to lose myself in the rhythm of the breath, the workings of my body moving through the poses, and bringing awareness of my Drishti.

May all peace be with you,
Namaste.

Inspiration from Yoga - Day 3 - I love pajamas!

I really love my pajamas...I mean, my yoga pants. Ok, they're both.

Heck, I practically live in yoga pants when I can.... and they are so wonderfully versatile! They can be slept in and you can also do yoga in them!

I mean, what other sport can you do wearing your pajamas? Truly? Not pro football, surely! Definitely not going to work for Olympic swimming, or my personal favorite, underwater basket weaving!

Slipping into my yoga pants feels heavenly. I love them! (My husband laughs at me for "loving" inanimate objects, songs, colors, etc... but I figure there's enough love in me to love ALL those things, my family and friends, plus my 4-leggeds and particularly HIM to boot!)

Tonight was restorative yoga - a 45 minute breath of wonderful slow-moving graceful and meditative poses - and JUST what I needed after a very vigorous workout week and hectic life schedule. Tonight Revolved Triangle Pose just flowed - my legs aren't as sore as in the last several practices and I was able to feel more like a yogi and less like the Tin Man awkwardly rearranging my limbs into the poses. And that confidence in my body to rebuild itself, to gain from the challenges presented and grow stronger is so fulfilling.

I'm a very "visual signs of progress" kind of person - I live to see accomplishments happening. Discernible differences, the big things like the diploma on the wall, the trophy on the mantle, the ribbon from the show, but also in the little things, the movements with my horse that we couldn't do before but are learning, those AH HA! moments training an animal (dogs, cats, horses, whatever...) or those poses that once you struggled with so tremendously, trying to arrange foot placement, body position, find your balance, stretch through a tight part of your musculature that resisted you, the first day your flat palms hit the floor - and somehow one day it's so effortless you wonder how you every found it so challenging.

But that's another part of yoga that I love - you can never do it all perfectly. There are something like 3,000 poses to learn in yoga. There's always room to expand and grow as a yoga practitioner. Your balance can be steadier, your body can be stronger, your torso can reach farther, your legs become more grounded, your arms lift you more easily into Upward Dog, your backbends improve. The best yogis realize that even when their bodies are refined, flexible and strong, that there is always room to control their minds. Be present in the moment, be grateful, be genuine, be centered.

And in that forward progress, that expansion of self, strength of the inner and the outer, and that feeling of gratitude to all the forces of positivity in the Universe - while wearing your pajamas - what could be better?

Namaste!

Inspiration from Yoga, Day 2 - Drive to Excel

I am intensely competitive. Fiercely and thoroughly and completely competitive... with myself.

It somehow doesn't manifest itself in wanting to beat other people (though I do realize the paradox inherent in that statement as in order to win, others must, therefore, lose...) but more of it is sheer competition with myself. To do better, to run faster, to accomplish more, to get that promotion, to win the blue, or the gold, or the trophy. But even if I'm not the fastest runner winning the race, it doesn't discourage me as I still want to run a new personal record. I want to be better each time than I was before. I want to see improvement in all ways and in all challenges in my life.

An admirable goal, but sometimes unrealistic. I have injuries that I have to be mindful of, and each day is a different day with a different set of challenges.

Tonight stepping on the yoga mat to do my 2nd day of the 21 Day Yoga Challenge, I was already sore from working out hard the past several days and leaping back into my yoga full-force after far too long a hiatus from my lovely purple yoga mat. My hips and shoulders were particularly tight tonight, and poses that I normally flow through I had to really work at. My wide-legged forward bend wasn't nearly as wide as usual, and my pigeon pose was squawkingly tight through my overtly protesting hips. I had a moment of fleeting irritation with myself - "I could do this so much better before, this has always been one of my best poses, why can't I twist any farther!" I thought angrily to myself, getting ready to ride that dark horse of perfectionism into the dust. But yesterday when I stepped onto my mat I wasn't as sore. Today is a different day. I have new challenges to face, I have to be gentle with my limitations and know that my body will change. Gradually. Sometimes excruciatingly so. But tomorrow will be an entirely new practice, a new day, a new opportunity to grow.

Sometimes I have to take the role of being a mentor even with myself. I am so good at punishment, at whipping out that cat-o-nine-tails and self-flagellating. Nothing I ever do (save marrying my amazing husband!) is ever good enough for me. I second-guess my decisions. I play Devil's Advocate. I vacillate. I punish myself for every misspoken word, each slower finish time, each bad ride with my horse. This drive to perfection is great for motivation to succeed, but is absolutely devastating to my sense of self-worth and personal accomplishment.

I have to back up and ask myself some questions about being kind. Would I ever talk to a student of mine that way? Never! Would I ever criticize another struggling with a pose, belittle them, or point out all their flaws mercilessly? Inconceivable! So why, oh why, am I so very hard on myself?

Tonight was an opportunity to let that all internal criticism pass me by. I settled into Pidgeon Pose, exhaling and feeling each moment as my body gave way into the pose. Slowly, so slowly, my hip flexors relaxed, and gradually my forehead found its way down to the mat. My positioning tonight may not have been perfect, my legs may have been a bit more shaky in my balancing poses than normal, but I did it. I didn't give up, I didn't stop trying. I earned my moments of perfect peace and relaxation in Savasana Pose at the end of my practice. And I am truly grateful.

...and am rewarding myself with a small mug of hot chocolate and a few mini marshmallows.

Inspiration from Yoga, Day 1 - Self-acceptance

Self-acceptance is a tough nut

Disclaimer: So I have tried to find humorous stories, or writing and poetry bits and so forth to post on my blog thus far. I literally have a draft email saved that is chock-full of ideas that I have not yet had time to flesh out. But something personal has been digging at me like a thorn in my side. So if you aren't for "personal" posts, best move along. And if you are, tighten your seatbelt, because here we go.

Lately I've been on quite the emotional roller coaster ride. Multiple family dramas and several serious medical issues, personal financial imbroglios, struggling with my chronic insomnia, going through a killer stress-related migraine, my lingering back pain flaring up from an auto accident 3 years ago, a bout with an intense self-esteem crash- the works... and with it has come a feeling of unsettling, of insecurity, and of deprecation of my sense of self-worth. My emotional reserves are drained, and my inherent self-criticism and perfectionist streak brought out their teeth and claws to tear me to straggly bits.

I read a quote somewhere to the effect that humans are the only animal capable of logically knowing what is good for them and still not doing it. I KNOW what makes me feel better, and yet somehow the pile of work waiting for me, or the alluring call of emails waiting to be read, or any number of other mundane tasks take up my time and instead of doing what fulfills me, I work at the computer until late, fall into bed to toss and turn, fitfully sleeping a few hours and rising, exhausted, to do it again, leaving my cup empty and nothing having refilled it.

So in the effort to engage in self care and to do things for myself that build me up and renew my emotional fortitude, last night I committed myself to once again taking up the 21-Day Yoga Challenge (which I've done before and I always feel amazing following doing it consistently!) I unrolled my yoga mat (purple, my favorite!) stepped on it, delighting in that slightly tacky feel and velcro-like sound as I positioned myself into Mountain Pose, hands pressed together in prayer position at my heart center. Instantly I started feeling the tension draining away through my toes in contact with the sticky mat. The deep calming breathing, methodically and gracefully moving through the poses that challenge me, yet center me. All other thoughts are pushed aside as I feel my body adapt in small changes to my balance, my muscles working together, my feet grounded into the floor below, my eyes stretching upwards, working within the limits of what my body can do. I find that if I let my thoughts wander from the present, even for a moment, that precarious balance is lost. Inherently, I am corrected by my own inner self back to a place of calmness, peaceful concentration and attunement to my body.

At the end of the practice, the instructor on the DVD asks you to complete the practice in the typical way - to lie down and rest in Savasana pose (also called Reclined Mountain, Relaxation Pose, or Corpse Pose depending on the instructor) and to really be present. To let all the tension go, relaxing each portion of your body, letting all the tightness melt away. He said to think of something you want to bring into your life. And to ASK for it. Immediately my thought was "self-acceptance."

I have been struggling with body image and feeling confident in my body since I was a teen. I am usually fairly active between all of my interests: horses, martial arts, yoga, bike riding, dog walks, etc... plus I took up running in my later-20's, I am renewing my status as a "gym bunny" (but with less cottontail, and certainly not in a matching outfit, sock, shoelaces, leggings, tank top and hairband... that's NOT me!) But there have been times in my life where I was more "sedentary" (aka in work-a-holic mode) and in a state of stressful unhappiness that resulted in me gaining weight.

I know about all the talk about loving yourself - the cliche that says you have to love yourself before you can love others. I know about society's pressure to be young, tan and beautiful (and with white teeth - however, I freely admit my obsession with my teeth... a LOT of money has gone into this mouth and I'm kinda obsessed with keeping them nice after braces, retainers, a Herbst appliance to pull my jaw forward, many visits with dentists and orthodontists, etc...etc...etc... So yes, I admit to being touchy about keeping my teeth nice.) I know about self-acceptance and that my self-worth is more than a number on a scale or a reflection in a mirror, I am MORE than a bustline, or the pants size I wear and my value is not based on the external but the internal. Intellectually, I understand all of that. After all, I was a Women's Studies major and wrote my senior thesis for the Honors College on the media and its effects on body image and self-esteem.

Also, in a much more personal circumstance which I am just now learning to open up and talk about, I've been through two different types of eating disorders, and watched my weight change and body shape form and re-form. I understand the struggle to lose weight, and I also understand having my own self-control because only I decide what actually goes into my mouth, regardless of whatever excuses I could make as to why I was making the food choices that I was at each point in my life - for good or for ill. I set a goal and I changed my life and I've been slowly seeing my clothing sizes change along with my body. It's been hard work, I haven't always been able to even talk about weight issues - including within my own family. My husband is my VERY best supporter and never comments on my weight, only offers unending love and support, and cooks me my turkey bacon, just the way I like it, on paper towels to absorb the grease. And although on some level I understand that with my current clothing sizes that I am NOT at all overweight, it is hard for me to see in myself what others see in me. For the first time in my life, I am working with a personal trainer, and honestly it's the best money I've ever spent. (Although the meeting with the head trainer telling me, in essence, that I should lose 10 lbs over the course of the training program I admit to a total self-esteem crash and I went home and cried!) But my individual trainer is very supportive, even if I feel as though I constantly disappoint her, she is amazing. She works around my injuries and tailors the workouts to my needs and abilities while constantly pushing me to do more than I ever thought possible. She never criticizes, and with her I have become such a more well-rounded person (Literally! HELLO BICEPS!)

Even with my hours of martial arts, horses and all the activity that goes along with them, running races (including my first half-marathon last summer) and me thinking that I'm doing enough with lifting weights on my own, I won't work so hard, nor so thoroughly or effectively as with my trainer. The numbers are changing. People are commenting how I look. I try to be polite and thank them and smile without seeming fake or insincere, or worse, arrogant or conceited in any way. I realize they are giving me a compliment and I try to accept it graciously.

But when I look in the mirror all I see are my flaws. I see the tired, sleep-deprived eyes, the newly-found bits of cellulite under my aging skin, the thighs that I feel terribly self-conscious about, the tracery of wrinkles forming at the edges of my eyes, and my roots with the gray hairs gleaming like unwanted treasures, shot through with silver. I have come to realize that I don't see what other people see (called dysmorphia) wherein my body image of myself is completely different than what my appearance actually is. (Not clinically diagnosed, mind you.)

Several times I've had flashes of maybe what others see when they look at me. On a shopping trip with a supportive female friend who is aware of my issues, helping me pick out correct clothing sizes (I always seem to get too big if I don't have help) and I will find an outfit that is particularly flattering and think for a little while that I look nice in it. I realize my other attributes: I'm fairly smart, I can oftentimes be witty, I have a contagious laugh (even my husband has gotten over being embarrassed by its exuberant boisterousness!) and I am typically a fairly positive person. So it's not as though I find all parts of me to be lacking.

Or sometimes I'll see a picture of me and think - hey, that one's not too bad, I look sorta fit! Or I'm finally not embarrassed about how my arms look in all of my pictures. (My thighs I'm working on still, that's a hard one.) But usually this intense loathing and self-criticism is right at the forefront and I can't see through it or past it. I am being healthy, I am eating well, drinking protein shakes, most times fending off my sweet tooth and cravings for ice cream (the bane of my existence!) and making good choices. But for people who don't understand and just brush off when I say that I am struggling with it, or think that I'm just being vain (except about my teeth...because I will concede to that one), they don't understand. I'm not attention-seeking, I'm not digging for compliments, I am genuinely trying to find a way to be happy with who I am. And I am struggling.

So when that gong sounded in my mind during yoga that what I wanted most in my practice was to find self-acceptance, it really reverberated within me. I want to release my jealousy of all the other people that I see that I find so much more fit, trim, run faster, kick higher, and look better in a string bikini than I do. I want to continue to work hard, but within the boundaries of what is possible for my body. I'll never be a 6" tall ballerina with twigs for legs. I have strong, muscular horse-riding, board-breaking, racing and bike riding legs. But to feel at home within my skin, and maybe one day see the ME inside and be happy with the face looking back at me from my mirror. It is my personal quest for self-acceptance.

Veldorex

Veldorex was hungry. Not physically, for she had glutted herself on several sheep the night previous.  She liked sheep when she did not feel the need to challenge herself in obtaining a meal.  Too stupid to flee, they stood frozen, bleating pitifully. And cruched deliciously.  Gliding through the night, she was invisible to human eyes, a quick shadow against the stars, sweeping undetected upon their flocks.

No, this was not physical hunger, but a bodily craving, a thousand times stronger, deeper, and infinitely more dangerous.  Her gold eyes narrowed. It was nearly her time, and she must find a male.  Extremely territorial, dragons would run off or even kill another dragon that invaded their territory. Or be killed.  The only time they tolerated another was during breeding, and not for long, even then. For dragons, by necessity and choice must return to their territories to retain them, or ofttimes, reclaim them.

Veldorex had long since given up on seeking human males for sating her desire while in her human form - though that body desired it, her draconic form knew the intensity of dragon-mating and nothing else would compare.

Her tail twitched angrily, scattering coin about her in a shimmering shower. She loved gold; it reflected her eyes and cast deep glints into her metallic black scale. Only in the light, though, and she was a lady of the night, and did not allow even the luminescent fungus to grow in her cave, scorching it when it glowed too brightly.

Of late, however, she had been distracted, and it had crept back, season after season, edging its way along cracks in the walls, across the ceiling, her cave veined with greenish light as though alive. 

She felt it coming, building inside her, burning inside her, until it screamed for release - that primal call that she could not ignore.

The tip of her tail flicked from side to side anxiously, the clinking of coins beneath her, heated by her internal fire, soothing to her underbelly.  Twin curls of smoke curled lazily from out of her nostrils as she brooded.

Veldorex transformed with a thought, black scales sliding into raven locks that swung nearly to her ankles, her pale white skin set into a streamlined gown of black velvet that clung to her curves of her body as close as skin. A circlet of gold set with black-as-night gems rested on her brow, long lashes blinked over golden eyes.  She was on the hunt.

*   *   *

I thought of you today.......

I thought of you today,

A little thing,

It made me smile.

The way you touched my hand

In the morning, in the soft light from the window

Half-asleep, you smile and close your eyes,

So close to me, your face

Nuzzled next to mine while

We slept, our breathing matching,

Two breaths come as one

While outside the spring snowflakes fell.

What Autumn Means To Me

What Autumn means to normal people:

Halloween decorating
Harvesting the garden
Digging out sweaters and tall boots
Pumpkin-spice flavored everything!
The appearance of those cinnamon-scented pinecones in the entrance to every store
Re-finding all your boots, gloves, scarves, hats and mittens
Digging through jackets to see if you left any money in pocket somewhere (LOVE THIS!)
Discussing snow depths and potential ski-hill conditions
Winterizing

What Autumn means to me: All of the above PLUS:

Being strangely sad putting away all my tanktops and summer clothes (except workout tops)
Packing up the hammock and stand for the winter (sigh!)
NO FLIES AT THE BARN!!!! (Oh goodness me, YES!!!! The ONLY real huge benefit to winter riding, well, besides mares going anestrous - yay!)
Getting out the horse blankets with that summer-aged horse musk that accompanies all but new blankets
Tall winter riding boots - cozy!
Fluffy horse coats
Waiting for those first snowflakes that always make me into a giddy child all over again
Being somehow excited to decorate the Christmas tree - only a few more months away!
Starting Xmas shopping and/or idea lists for Xmas shopping
Finding excuses to eat fat-laden stew and butter-covered bread or other heavy foods "to prepare for winter"
Post-food guilt promising self to not follow Scandinavian genetic imperative to put on "layer of winterizing blubber" this year
Making hot chocolate with mini-marshmallows for every occasion... like surviving Wednesdays
Extra cinnamon in my hot cider
Fluffy socks & taking a running sliding leap across the kitchen in them whenever possible

Unicorns Farting Rainbows

The Power of a Positive Mental Attitude (and my take on it)

 

I've been thinking a lot about positive mental attitudes... I'm prone to depression sometimes too, as I think all of us are, but I'm trying to figure out good ways to deal with it constructively.

So I was ruminating on positive mental attitudes.

I was particularly thinking about the 1970s Ohio University study I read about where rabbits were being fed a high-cholesterol diet. But one group was the student's favorite and he took only those rabbits out every day, talked to them and petted them before he fed them. All the rest of the rabbit groups were suffering from obesity and heart-disease, etc... what you might expect from such a diet. But this group of rabbits, the only ones getting love and attention, were showing a 60% intolerance to the diet based on the nurturing received. Repeated studies creating the same situation showed similar results.

We all need more positivity. I've read in several different places that humans need 10 positive touches a day. Hugs, warm handshakes, pats on the back - that affirming, connecting contact that human beings need and crave on a deep level. (Yes, even YOU!)

So what does the power of touch have to do with being positive? As a touch-leery person myself, I'm not about to go around patting people's shoulders at random. (Though when I like you, I'll touch you often in little ways of being affectionate, I've found.)


I think that YOU choose your outlook on life. For example, I'm trying to only phrase the positive. (I slip sometimes, but, I am TRYING.)


So someone typed to me, "Oh, I hate grey rainy days and I just woke up grumpy and people are so annoying..."

And I started to reply  "Yeah, it's only Weds."

But I changed it to be positive and said, "It's already Weds, so only 2 more days until the weekend! YAY!"

So I think it's a matter of perspective, ya know?

I guess the universe has been giving me lessons in gratitude, and so far I'm reaping the rewards of being a happier person by (generally) being surrounded by happier people. Even some of the most "Debbie Downers" and "Doom and Gloomers" are coming around from being "flooded" by my positive comments. Yep, sometimes I just puke rainbow glitter all over people. That's my method of coping with their negativity.

Have you ever noticed that some people have that "ray of sunshine" effect? They walk in the room and everyone brightens up? I'm trying to be that person. I'm trying to affect positive change in my universe and put on my rose-colored glasses. Why not? Will it hurt anyone if I'm a Pollyanna and hope for the best for everyone? Probably not! In fact, it will probably HELP!

There are so many negative outside influences that bring us down, the news is all about war, disease and disaster, people talk about their problems and the bad things in their lives. I fall prey to this negative mentality as well. There are always more bills, cars always need maintenance, and the saying goes "If it has tires or testicles, you're gonna have problems with it." (Sorry guys, not sexist, just how the saying goes.) So we've got this dark cloud hanging over us and all the media we see reinforces it, our complaining friends complain and we complain back... but when do we get the feel-good positive feedback? When do we get the pats on the back? When do we get the unicorns farting rainbows?

Well, a couple thing that I do: I have a warm/fuzzy folder in my e-mail. When I get something that makes me laugh, or touches me, or when someone says something nice about me, then I put it in that folder and if I'm feeling particularly blue, I look through it. It's amazing how just reading a few e-mails that say "Great job!" "I'm proud of you," or "I love you" can make a difference, you know?

It's like, well, if that many people love me and care about me, my life can't be that bad...

Also, I have certain songs that ALWAYS get me jacked up. I can't help it. If I'm mad or sad or just out-of-sorts I hit these playlists and pretty soon I'm singing along and tapping my feet and can't hardly sit in my chair.

Another trick I use to change my perspective is that I LOVE to get up and move. I'm really good at self-rewards for work completed. So if I'm doing something terribly boring and monotonous, I'll set a limit, like ok, I gotta work for another hour, then I can run upstairs and get a cup of tea, or chew a piece of gum, or check my e-mail or just go outside for a few minutes.  With little goals to work towards it keeps me focused and then happier to have five minutes to run the stairs to get my heart going and have a little treat of some nice tea or some Vit D throwing a toy for the dog or whatnot.

I commit a random driving act of kindness a day. I try to give a stranger a compliment, or to do something nice for another, particularly if I can do it anonymously. Doesn't have to be a million dollar donation to a performing arts center, it can be as innocent as cleaning a communal bathroom without being asked, putting change in someone's parking meter, or letting someone in front of you in the shopping line who has fewer things to purchase than you do.

Things like that.  Now, I'm not perfect, but those are some of the things I do to get myself out of my funk. I try to find something to be grateful for. Sometimes I'm so deep in this negative spiral that I have to go for the big things... like "Hey! I woke up on this side of the grass this morning! I'm glad I'm alive. I'm glad I can see. I'm glad I can run and walk and lift and ride horses, and do martial arts and all the friends in my life and people who care about me!"  See, it just expands from there!

I'm babbling, but that's ok. It's just a stream-of-consciousness outpouring, but maybe you can glean some bits.

With all my best, and I mean it!!!

-Sirens Echo

A Poem To My Husband......

You laugh at
my late night forays
for a bowl of raisin bran
and my delighted crunching,
at me hiding
from the morning
underneath my pillow,
knowing if I sing
in the shower
I am happy
and it will be a good day.
And if I'm not, to start
the coffee percolating.
Chuckling to yourself
when I am clumsy
or shy
you love me despite
my shortcomings
that I see
glaring from my silvered reflection
and kiss my tears away
when the pain of all the hardness
of living gets me down.
You hold my soul, tenderly
safe inside the strong warmth
of your hands
and though you tease
there is always unspoken love
behind your voice.
You believe more adamantly in me
than I have ever hoped for myself;
you think me stronger than I have
ever thought I could be.
You kiss me good morning
despite my dragon breath
and Medusa hair,
brushing it away from
my sleepy eyes
you love me best
-I think-
when I am at my worst
mussed and tumbled
in the sheets
and forever I will hold
closest inside my memories
the morning I woke to find
you staring down at me
watching me softly
while I was sleeping
and embarrassed I tried
to hide away, but inside
my heart trilled
"this is love!"
I feel at home
inside your arms
in the way that no
four walls could ever
make a building
into the home I have
when I am with you
and am so barren -
a hollow void without.
You watch with an
amused smile as I
leap headlong
into projects twice my size
and stand behind
every scheme I somehow
manage to conjure.
When I fall, when I crash,
a spectacular spiral
out of control,
blazing inferno,
desperate deluge,
you quietly help me
back to my feet
with words of
encouragement,
wise and firm.
Every day you ask,
then wait
to hear what words
I have to speak
not shutting me out
but listening
never tiring of me when
all the world has told me
again and again
to be quiet.
But you want all of it:
the cynicism,
the humor,
the gossip,
the anger,
the laughter,
the rainstorms
that come and go
and somehow leave
me in sunshine again
in their wake. And for
all of this, a kiss goodbye
every morning is your fee,
a small toll I must pay for
a greeting at the door each
night as I arrive, bedraggled,
carrying the weight of
everyone's everything
hunching my shoulders
and dimming my light
yet somehow inside your
embrace it slides away
troubles forgotten
melting as snowflakes
in July sunshine
and home becomes
wherever you are.
When you let me slide
my frigid toes underneath your legs,
protesting half-heartedly, but settling
over them like an Emperor
penguin guarding his egg,
when you squeeze over so I can
slip in beside you on the couch,
tucking me under the blankets,
the steaming cup of coffee
just the way I like it though,
mischievously, after you turn my shower
to freezing cold, you hand to me
along with a towel, unless you've
chosen to hide them all!
The moments when we
laugh at a joke secretly
contained only between us,
when every chore is
made into a game,
pushing me on the cart
through the aisles,
and rocking out while
cleaning house, singing
our hearts out. On date
night, when you have this
look you cast over me
and I suddenly feel as though no
woman on earth could
be more beautiful than
you find me to be,
when your hand reaches
for mine on a long drive home,
holding pinkies,
and when you chide me
for singing your part in our
duets, when you fight for
me against the world
and run your fingertips
along the edges
of my fingernails,
when your blue eyes look through
the mask I've painted on to the rest
of the world, though yours strip me bare -
all of me revealed, inside of the
unconditional acceptance
that shines from them
I think I cannot possibly
love you any more than I do.

More musings

August in Montana

The wind brings a scent of rain and of fire,

an incongruous mix borne from the west,

that paints the sky brilliant as the fuchsia sun sets.

Gray coats the mountains and sifts through the pines,

a tangible flavor of wood smoke and autumn

in the smell as it lingers in canyon valley bottoms.

Summer is leaving, and with her the warmth,

the grasses are turning their green stems to gold,

the fire devours all down red maw and throat.

The wind brings the message that fire has come

Now chill autumn is here and sweet summer is done.

-----------------

Montana Rail Link

Iron thunder rumbles down the track

as the trains come rushing by.

The cottonwoods bend their branches

in the wind of their passing.

Coal, logs and lumber

all headed east or west,

the movement of economy,

the progress of technology.

The horns sound out a Doppler-style farewell.

------------------------

Today the sky a water-brushed blue,

Changing leaves whisper in frost-tinted breezes

Each breath of summer seems as though the last.

-------------------------

Sunrise

Glow of pink racing me 

over the east horizon

mile by mile I drive

and the white lines 

mark my passing.

---------------------------

9/18

She's changing,

that cottonwood out front

with her toes nestled in the autumn grass,

with her green hair turning to gold.

She listens to the wind,

and drops her leaves like gifts at our feet,

blowing across the sidewalk,

catching in the corners of the building

as she sings the song of winter coming,

the color draining,

the stillness of her blood a golden amber.

-----------------------

The mountains sit

holding the clouds close 

like white fleecy shawls

wrapped around their broad shoulders

against the morning's chill.

The frost traces the 

brittle spears of grass

and my breath colors the air 

in shades of gray

but fades away as the clouds 

with the coming of the day.

-----------------------------

I am a Voyager into the Unknown

The suds swirl

like a spiral galaxy

counter-clockwise

in my shower drain.

Echoes of the

Brandonberg Concertos

resound in my head

as I watch the water

lapping back at my toes.

Time to call a plumber

 -------------

Crystal dust shimmers down

As the morning sky lightens

To a shade of paler hue.

Dancing motes of diamond

In a breath of December air.