A Dumb Chicken Sandwich

A Dumb Chicken Sandwich

I admire your patience... I'm working on mine.
Woes of customer service, aka First-World Problems.
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I have seriously low tolerance for stupidity. Which is a problem. Mostly because there are so many idiots running around out there.
Today yet another encounter with the "duh" factor - unsurprisingly in a fast-food establishment. (Yes, I know, I shouldn't be eating fast food at all, but I've been running around all day and before my 2nd job contemplating working another four hours running on just a cup of coffee simply wasn't appealing.)
Anyway, headed up to the menu, and I ordered a grilled chicken, no mayo, a frozen lemonade and a water. Relatively straight-forward. Especially for me. Particularly since I tend to be the queen of special orders. (Don't worry, I tip well!)  The kid comes back and asks me "Uh, what kind of sandwich did you want?"
"Chicken." I reply.
"Uh, we don't have chicken."
*Moment of stunned speechlessness as I eye the menu with a variety of chicken offerings including grilled, crispy, hot & spicy, chicken nuggets, chicken strips, etc...*
"You don't HAVE any chicken, is that what you're telling me? You are OUT of chicken?" I inquire incredulously.
"Uh, no, we don't have a chicken sandwich."
Long pause as I try to formulate a response to this statement. As far as I know, the main ingredient in chicken nuggets is still chicken. The main ingredient in chicken sandwiches is still chicken as well. Or at least in theory.
He must feel the awkward pause as I guppy-mouth and he queries "Uh, what kind of chicken sandwich did you say?"
"Grilled. A grilled chicken sandwich. Just a dumb grilled chicken."
Thinking to myself "You know, the little birds with feathers. Preferably not in the sandwich. The feathers, that is. Preferably a chicken sandwich WITH chicken."
THIS is what I was picturing:

As THIS (aka - what I wanted):
NOT THIS: <--An actual chicken in a sandwich.
There is a long pause. He contemplates the Universe. The species of edible bird we like to eat in sandwiches. Belly Button lint. The static on the microphone.

Finally, "A Hot & Spicy Chicken?" He queries.

"No. A GRILLED chicken sandwich." I say with only mildly gritted teeth.

I'm not joking you, he says to me, "We don't have a grilled chicken sandwich."

Reining in my temper, I say "Really? Because it's here on your menu, a Classic Grilled Chicken Sandwich...."

"Ohhhhhh," he replies, the light apparently finally getting a spark of electricity to flicker on, "A CLASSIC Grilled Chicken Sandwich."

"Yes," I agree, relieved, "and a frozen lemonade."

"Okay, a Classic Grilled Chicken and a frozen lemonade. Anything else?"

"And a water," I continue, "please." (Even when incredibly frustrated, it's always good to remember your manners.)

"Okay," he replies, "we'll have your total at the first window."

I pay, and pull up to the second window to receive my order (which I ASSUME having two windows must have been developed for some reason to expedite the "fast" part of fast food, but still it's annoying to me to have two windows. It seems completely unnecessary and irritating. Is that just me?)

The gal at the second window hands me a water and a bag and tells me in a bored voice to have a trademark "good day."

"My frozen lemonade?" I ask, as politely as I can muster.

"You didn't order a frozen lemonade." she says.

"Um, yes. Actually, I did." She eyes the receipt. "Says here it was cancelled."

I literally have a flash of a scenario of just asking her flat out if I can just PAY her for a frozen lemonade. Right there. In cash. At the forbidden second window. Purchase the lemonade that I wanted, didn't get, and now, APPARENTLY cannot have. This all flashes through my mind as she starts closing the window with a half-hearted "Sorry."

Instead, I just say "Thanks." with acidity and drive away. EPIC FAIL.

No chickens. Except that they DO have chicken. And I got a water (thank goodness for small blessings, eh?) but no lemonade. And I can't pay for a lemonade. At this point I don't even WANT a lemonade but it feels like I need to stand up for a bigger principle here. On behalf of all thirsty restaurant-goers everywhere. Who can't seem to make a very simple order clear to a teenager behind a glass window with a headset on. But I don't. I decide to corral my inner customer-service critic (having worked myself in a variety of customer-service positions and woefully bemoaning the society-wide demise of any competent help in ANY industry anywhere on Earth. )

You may think my saga ends here. But no. You would think that I had learned my lesson with the initial confusion over what a chicken sandwich was. But no. You would think in the moments of awed and  stunned disbelief at utter incompetence I might have checked my order.

When I opened up my bag... to my awe and irritation I have now paid for not only my desired grilled chicken - forgive me - CLASSIC grilled chicken, but also an unwanted Hot & Spicy chicken. Which I gave to a co-worker. Because I never wanted it. AND inadvertently paid for it. But at least it gave me the opportunity to be generous.

Worst of all... as I bit into my Classic grilled chicken, which against my explicit orders AND even while clearly on the receipt that shows the cancelled frozen lemonade - it was positively smothered in mayonnaise.

Please excuse me, I'll just be over here scraping my bun dry and drinking my water, strangely without ice, which I would've wanted. At least I'd have something to crush in my jaws in irritation.

STAY IN SCHOOL KID! You're gonna need it.
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Special thanks to: http://andpossiblyadd.blogspot.com/ for the "A Dumb Chicken" illustration
and to www.chick-fil-a.com for the chicken sandwich picture and www.edibleblog.com for the chicken in a sandwich picture. :)